Sharing Recovery

Sharing Recovery
Sunday, August 12th
Sunday August 12, 2018

Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

I'm Jack crop music sharing recovery review welcome everyone today. Before we started and we're just a save you. There's a phone number 5708815825. If you want help you know someone needs help call me we are more than happy to help anyone's. Today our guest is Jeff brown and he's the author of inspiration without explanation and it's a daily guide to recovery. And it's it helps us walk true. Recovery. Dora talking or just story we're talking about the book there were talk about recovery and and helping others. And today's special we have a special guest host with us today we're gonna care malice with us and welcome Karen welcome Jeff Jeff if you want last season and the people who have been listening to his show right along though that. But. They just 4548. Minutes we get here really wasn't enough time for us to have to do justice by you last time Jeff. And I wanted to come back and you were gracious enough to say yes hi I just want it. I like talking to highlight talking about recovery with you and and carry our good friends and we like to talk about this together so. And order your starting Jeffrey just from people learn to live single let's talk a little bit about. How did you end up to recover obviously you're in recovery. Attempt which means at some point you had an addiction issue. And what was battle myself. Yeah a first thanks fro Manning LA appreciated Jack always appreciate you being here and thanks Karen coming into. Set. I had a pretty good childhood and so high I didn't have a lot of things that typical. But addictive type of stuff grown up but I didn't come from an abusive phone might parents aren't alcoholics and addicts. Everything in my life went pretty well up until about the age of thirteen then. At that point it obviously was just a failed relationship. They're really got the best of me then and kind of brought this sound that so that. This fear of being alone kinda sent him. Result for us I mean just thirteen years old yet failed relationship they and a and that did did Jerry come on now thirteen years all I can relate. You see out. I'm amazed by that. That's thirteen years old glory of broken relationship cause a problem for you suck most just hopefully in my Little League Baseball thirteen ranked just. Well yes I could just finish that and I was on the high school's baseball team and disappointment. Yeah that they're really. You're really kind of threw me for a loop it was the first time in my life that the thought of not. And having dreamed of being alone kind of crept into my mind and I went in or troubling fashioned prior to that it can. That I really think about it much now but at that particular moment that that that thought that. Think I often that define. Addiction as a fragile minds inability to cope with difficult circumstances. And that's that's what happened at the moment I for the first time in my life got a circumstance agreement in my life that I didn't know what to do about it. And it could frighten me and I don't like. You get into semantical. Spheres are debates what's being alone and loneliness are two different things grabs because I ice. I spent a lot of time alone because what I do care you spend a lot of time. Because of your job but you're not lonely during that time I'm not lonely. When I'm in the car traveling. There's a dear to me a loan and loneliness writes yes. Absolutely hands I do like to explain that a lot of times because most of the people that I present stats as. But the major part of the problem that mood at almost everybody says well I don't really mind being alone. Then you're absolutely right I'm not talking about Ilya three hours yourself on a Sunday afternoon kind of alone time die in my head. This girl was my soul mate my one shot at happiness did god put here for me. And now she was guy and I'm gonna die alone was kind of the way it was who was working on my mind I was going to be alone forever and not have somebody to share my life with and I. So thirteen years old you hating your head already. That because mr. gore got your real long RS your life you're absolutely yes ma'am and and I don't I don't know how many you know a lot of this obviously isn't hindsight has the moment I didn't don't know if I knew what I was thinking at all. But in hindsight as I am now going through a process and through the twelve step process specifically. I started revisiting those moments and seeing them allow more clearly now been twenty years down the road is that in hindsight it's always easier to seek. Rather than being in the midst of Libya and that's that's basically what it came down to it I believed in the idea of the soul mate and now. That was my one shot and happiness and I lost an orange doomed forever that was set I was doing my brain processed out. Point when I was eight years old I started to drink. But I didn't have any feelings. I didn't I didn't drink things you're saying you know you have this feeling your real long are your life was shattered I didn't have those feelings. I just aren't the drink because it was perfectly normal. Hi Betty here's Alderman Irish Catholic Sam links for me to take a sip of beer or have a few drinks that was just perfectly normal hot I didn't realize and and I am saying this because what you just said just because of hindsight. Everything is is 20/20 in hindsight you know the Billy Carter said twenties top all hindsight is 20/20 million more than them. Big you know and that's how it is I mean looking backwards guy now I realize there were certain things going on my eight year old mind. And I and that's to entice them when alcohol. End but I didn't have any clue that's what I was doing. And and Sherron when news started to use did you know that's weird know where you can did you know you were less surprising feelings. Absolutely not and that's the whole thing with addiction and alcoholism is your bearing those feelings and mentally get into a program. And uncover this stuff and get to the solution and then you you realize that's what you're doing because it was all hope you know I had a great life as well with my family and but I experienced these feelings that I wasn't good enough so I mean I have not. A lot of feelings that you know were very uncomfortable for me and the only way I could get rid of those feelings was to drink. And and that's where it led to. And I pointed this out. On every show. You say you have a wonderful life growing up. I had what looked like they'll Leave It to Beaver life growing up I mean you know my father worked for call public utility had a great job we gonna clean house we got a new car all the time. You know. Addiction doesn't doesn't doesn't indicate that you came from under the bridge. Addiction is everywhere to every walk of life it's in every socialist socio economic stress there is anybody can be an attic right Jeff. Absolutely absolutely abducted definitely does not discriminate if and and we see that benefits as we trekked through recoveries have been these facilities in the rooms that everywhere we go we see it and in fact. Some of the literature even pointed out pretty obviously saying you know were people who normally wouldn't mix me up. At any recovery based group of people here you sit there and that people normally would spend their time together. All right and you don't have many close just how many times I whispered that my friend Larry can I sit together just about every day when it got meanings and how many times my leaned over and whispered to him would you bring good anybody in this trial. I think that these are people I was whisked. On a daily basis now that's a good thing because those people I was west bank and M. 90% of them are either still out there are dead so I mean yeah we have to change what we doing now we know it. So does your thirteen years old started to look up what happened. Well I'm very similar to what Karen says and you know once. I begin I didn't realize it was the fear of being moment I knew it was an uncomfortable feeling that I didn't like and I didn't want to just sit and at the end every time I. Dump a little alcohol and a bad feeling it went away for a little while so I basically. There again in hindsight that I spent eighteen years treating my fear with alcohol every time a cropped up. I retreated back down known but the next day would come back again I drink it back down again non non non. For eighteen years that's how I treated a bet at that moment. When I first realized that that would make that's your goal away fifth feeling go away as well I really mean it became. All that mattered. I quit the baseball team and at that they're both doing something I loved you stopped caring about my grades and my classes none of that mattered much anymore. And it. It just started ramping up I love when that idea. I read. Drupal one of those original old wells tempers wrote historian says he was an only child and perhaps step brother on the selfishness in and did. Brought on his alcoholism and that's what happened. All I can focus on was that I was afraid it didn't feel good and I needed to do whatever I needed to do to make that feeling go away even if there was step on you do it. So the selfishness really started coming right behind. That fear. We're a break I'm. Sink some more sponsors go right back you get being gets us going was more just to. Okay we're back. And I just before the break you said that soon. He's started and you're furor I'm picture when you were thirteen anyone's free teen years from about 31 year old something's changed very. Good and then. Under threat before the break first argument other selfishness kind of worked its way in the my life and but it was kinda strange numbers. Again I have read the piece a recovery based literature that selfishness and self southern miss is the root of our troubled. And top. I actually didn't know there was a difference between those two things because I wasn't the type a selfish and I'm from the new a lot of people who with the same issues that. But I wasn't selfish like a spoiled child that wouldn't share stories now I didn't grow wasn't Robin a lot of people on skill and but. The self centered business. Where I thought about myself a lot and was afraid of what other people saw out of me in things like that but that was running amok in my life all I really. I was loaded with social anxiety because there's so terrified about what everybody else thought of me and how they viewed me. So that was the kind of selfishness there was more prevalent in my life than the other one where there is no. The mine mine mine type a selfishness who wasn't really there is strongly. But. Through eighteen years of that billion. Again in hindsight I'm realizing that people don't really wanna spend a lot of time with people that are overly selfish and always taking and never giving. So. By 31 there were many people left in my life they wanted to be around me. RA heads to make a point here about what you're saying. Is there is a difference like you said between mean self centered and selfish. Out. I know and it was myself when my left hand I can be giving you every penny I have irritation or take my car take whatever I'm giving away. But I'm not doing it for the right reason. I'm doing it. For me not for you and that's the difference because I'm doing and so you say oh he's a nice guy. I'm doing and so everybody in the bar room says all one great guy he just bought everybody a drink. Do you being asked to be in my opinion. Because you want to help someone else if not for the accolade that you receive when you give. And I have found that. Most people but I have met in recovery. Half started at that at that broken point where all the things Obama's themselves. Even when they're doing something nice or trying to do somebody something for someone else. They only think about themselves what's in it for Jack once and for Caron what's the difference Jeff what is in it for me. And in the disease that we all have is more. So even if it's a pat on the back we want more pats on the back if there's more people saying you're a wonderful guy. And it and it borders on narcissism I mean we get to a point where that it becomes narcissistic that would we only think about ourselves. Karen did you experience that in your addiction that all you thought about what you. Oh yeah absolutely I mean I would do things for people but to. You know I I expect that the thank you enough pat on the back end. And that made me feel better so I thought and the like he said you wanted more to say he just kept doing more good things but with not good motives and you can see exactly the motive was absolutely not shore but today that's a different story when you're in recovery it's it's truly about. Putting others first it working a recovery program that's going to be successful absolutely and you know today it's about. Being a perfect perfect you know your purposes to help others without any motive and that's actually the best feeling in the world. So just now you're 31 years old things and life is now at the pinnacle of a mess is the worst thing chimera I guess what happened. I used like a lot of people eventually got to that point where I. I destroyed everything worthwhile life and and lost most of before I had a and Monday are upset I'm in my bedroom floor and put a gun in my mouth then gave myself the change or die ultimatum. And it obviously that was put pretty frightening enough I hit I had mentioned it previously in life you know that they did throw that. The idea of both suicide around when your neck deep in alcoholic insanity. But it was usually that even that was a desperate plea for attention most of the time. This time it wasn't. There was a call on people telling them I was gonna kill myself whoever's alone in my home and wasn't calling him my friends and that scared me enough to. To finally take action and do something about it. I wasn't sure what. Exactly to do about it but I knew I needed to do something now. So. And it was actually probably. Maybe you wrote that book a year or two prior to that the type begun to realize really that I had a drinking problem but the young manageability of life. Wasn't full blown yet the wheels hadn't really completely come off just yet so then and that's that's kinda. Now that the first part of this process were we're admitting that we have a problem the second half of that first part is beyond manageability so I admitted I had a problem. But wasn't. Desperate enough to do anything about it yet and that's that's what happened at at at 3132 years old I became desperate enough to take action to correct the problem. I couldn't live in it more worth it anymore and then to both your points that. That is ultimately it that I loved the idea and I thought that ideas been prevalent on my mind all day today about. I. Doing the right thing for the wrong reasons with the selfishness and I've come to that absolute conclusion that doing the right thing for the wrong reasons. For the wrong things for the right reasons. Still makes it all wrong. And you know you just dump. You realize when you do that song your life was a messy news that he wasn't going right. I also like to talk about the fact that everybody you road to recovery is our own. Because of what how you get to recovery out carrier's recovery O Carly is recovering how I guess there are four different paths they're there they're naturally individual. Broad recovery because I came to recover re not thinking I had a problem. I truly do not believe that there was anything wrong in my life. I've been bankrupt three times were always in financial trouble we're scrambling. I don't know all of a landscaping company that. You know it I thought was is Graham I mean grandiose thoughts and I thought it was like the biggest and best in the world and reality. My wife resumed funneling money into it to keep us alive. But I didn't see a correlation between. Alcohol. And these problems. At the insistence of a family member my wife at that I went to. A recovery meetings I walked dinners and they may be I have a problem maybe I'm an alcoholic. Now I haven't had a drink since then and that's wonderful. But that doesn't mean why is immediately flip the switch or became outstanding. Because I never admitted I was powerless over alcohol I never admitted that my life is unmanageable. I just stop drinking from. And again that there's a big series we not drinking. And being so. And it took a long time I'm not drinking. Ten and maybe 78 years of just not drinking before I was willing to surrender. And and truly understand. What it means to get sober and start to recover. And I don't know. Karen when you first came recovered in those switch flipping you were great right from day one. Now none at all because I didn't know first of all I didn't think. I I didn't want to be an alcoholic I didn't wanna have a problem because I wasn't that woman under the bridge you know that was my whole. You know vision on the net and on. But I got to that point were needed help and when I got into the the program of recovery. In now for me putting down the drink was just the beginning that all I still had those uncomfortable feelings. You know I put down the during but I was really a dry drunk for many years and I didn't deal with the feelings that were inside of me. I didn't deal without fear and that's what it came down tilt and until I truly. Got honest with myself and found the truth. Within and Jeff is such a big. Help to me with that that's when my life started to change until I started to see the truth. And that's when my life really started to change. So just now you realize that life is a mess did you guess helps or did you go to treatment programs don't. And I did well to do with. A fellowship now to a recovery sooner okay so you go to treatment senator spent 28 day you walked into recovery program monster street yes just like a guy gets up and from that first dating your life turn around. It actually is doing and yes and that is so great to prove your point everybody does. Comment as in this and at this bit of a different way. In a different place in their mind and and it did for me that's first and recovery in my life was permanently altered. I'm not gonna say is that I walked out of first meeting happy joyous and free obviously but by the end of my first day in recovery I didn't know there was a solution. And and I knew that I was gonna do whatever it took it together to achieve that goal. That. Ethic yesterday. I didn't get a lot of point. I really felt like I needed but afterwards when I called someone else that I knew was also in recovery and started asking them questions and I got some some one on one attention. And some more detailed information than yet he. By the end of the night he had convinced me that they're absolutely was a way out to others and suicide pact which I really didn't believe as possible anymore. So that and that level incursion was important and and and I love this idea one of my favorite quotes is now a guy named dirty Selanne all peak slice peace. Then that's exactly what we're talking about her and I did. They're an all big sized piece it doesn't matter how you grew up the mountain might be 500 different pats upset mound and at the top bit is the same thing for all of us. And that's that's the beauty of a slave to the simple analogy I like to use is if I walk into a dark room. And I can't find my way around like it's because it's dark there is only one solution. Light as the only solution the dark. There might be four or five different lights in that room that I can turn around the city but life is the only solution and that's that is the beauty of this the three of us. Kaman there's a different way and that it doesn't affect yourself differently both on the desert talking about this whole time we all understand a bit. Helping others is ultimately the solution let's regardless of the angle you can edit this page click. So you you got to bet your territory coverage programs. And have you ever and other drinks and said they Jeff now known that in fact they. And some people actually troubled by my experience because it it it wasn't that rocky road I believe I just kinda. Took all my lumps and bumps in the road prior to come I was exceptionally stubborn. I wasn't gonna come there to recovery until it was change or die there and as a result. I went. To one meeting. And then I found this person that filled me full of hope and I didn't even go back to another meeting until I was done being taught the twelve step process by this person I have gone through. Most of the steps with in the matter of a couple of weeks. And things were rapidly. Rapidly changing and getting better I actually was sponsoring. Another person two weeks over. Well that's a main street but I walk into that first media have never had another drink since. So that's unusual recovering from this. That is not me god did that and god had a plan. And it got a first meeting I went to there was a guy named Sammy gag MB and congress is only died of cancer a couple of years ago. But he said we don't drink and come back tomorrow. And somehow that clicked with maybe somehow was you mean it's as simple. Yeah I just don't drink you come back tomorrow and we'll take a one day at a time. Now as I said in my case it was eight or nine years I'm not drinking one day at a time. Before I realized. So something's going on here I'm not getting any better and in fact after I stop drinking which was. In 1998. I got him more trouble after our stop drinking tonight. Had prior to drinking because I didn't stop living the life you know the gangster life you know I I. I had this idea in my head of how things should be done and if it wasn't the right way. And you know it took it took years and years of pain going to prison twice so like before I just learned. There was a different way and oratorical and I differ when we come back from this break. And before we start this segment if you have questions for Jennifer Karen or I call five Seminole. 883009. A will be glad to answer your question we've got to do include doing the discussion. If there's somebody listening that wants help 570815825. Calming Apollo after the showing. I'm doing I can help anyone listening. I suggest before the break now we're talking about the fact we're we're we're in recovery now and recovery for me is based on twelve steps and in those twelve steps if you walk in gives us an outline to liberalize trade. And even people that aren't in recovery program should find themselves and copy of those twelve steps and read them and you know could be the world be a kinder gentler place if if everyone. And this is my opinion of course I mean I. That everyone can live through those twelve steps but. One night I came to recovery. I stop drinking. In my life got worse. And during the break I was telling Jeffrey sharing caring noses she knows my story jumped that Miley got worse after Jeff I stopped drinking. Without without alcohol. I was able to make a bigger mess than I am with alcohol I guess I was too drunk to make a real big mess but you know I didn't go to prison until I was eight years without drinking. And and that is for stuff that I had done in business a white collar stuff says done that. You know with a clear mind do you do those things I don't know I can answer those questions are you know. I inciting a route you're Caroline backwards I did those things and I paid the price and so in my family. But I honestly believe that that. That I had to travel that road to get to this spot I am in today that the only way to get where we are all of us. Is it traveled rode that we travel to who take the beatings we take. In addition and leave it recovery. You know even in recovery life isn't always peachy is in turn. Now there's difficulties for sure but you know today I have a solution and it's way easier than that. Was one I didn't have a solution and I am I'm grateful for that. All right so just a Malick EP urea recoveries. And you do more of those twelve sounds very quickly. And I'm I don't know if we if we look at history recover I think that's the way it was intended path and that you know jump right in and get this done right. I believe so you're doomed just like you said though you you do have to be ready. You have to be your bottom you have to be prepared to do whatever it takes there were things in these twelve steps that they were asking me to do that I was not crazy about the idea of my brain at that point in time was able to wraparound that the absolute fact that it was something terrible is gonna happen if I didn't do it. Al that. Doesn't pitch cheered doesn't bring about permanent sobriety. That that is one of the absolute key elements here at the fair might keep me sober for a bit. Now that and that's something that the a lot of literature repeats over and over again because they don't want to miss that point and I don't. Did that fear is named permanent solution it might get into the gate but they'll eventually you have to do this because it's the light if you want to live. And it had to change from all my god I don't wanna die took. This is pretty amazing I love helping people that is eventually the transition that has to take place and it is different for everybody how long that takes. How prepared you are to do the work to get in the point where you can do that and I'm so. The whole process. And Intel it happens in whatever time the individual needs it to. And I I say all the time I spent eighteen years practicing selfishness and I got really good at it. And so breaking that habit wasn't easy. But once I broke the old bad habit but a new one of helping others in place. Things started to interchange pretty rapidly but yes there's just seems like the that threshold for pain seems to be different for absolutely everybody saw only you can decide how much suffering is required to get to that point we're willing to do whatever it takes to fix the problem. Okay and you said two words of them are very important in my recovery triggering off. And I like telling this little story M and I normally number this is an important story in my recovery towards Los MEI don't we don't drink you're back tomorrow players the next story from my recovery. And I'm going to I'm gonna say his name because I want them to know he helped me and the guy was Peter remodel. And them why stop drinking. You know I was good friend who was so his brother and and he said me gotta go see Peter try made an appointee and make an appointment C Peter my own I had to wait two weeks to get disappointment and I'm what was office in clarks summit and that those secretary serology sent out of the picnic bench so we are talking a couple of minutes I waited like 45 minutes from the mouth. He sat down I told them like I have three words out of my mouth like I stop drinking what do you think. Any stop meany said at all you need to know is there's only fear in the off. And he got up walked away. That was twenty years ago I don't think I said two words don't sense. And it took a long time for read understand he gave me the whole. Right there in in one sentence he gave me the answer there's only fear wolf you're right fear cannot cannot beat a motivated her to recovery. That you have to get over to low low side if you're going to be truly recover. That. Fear is what caused all my problems. Who fear caused me to. Drink fear caused me to pay kickbacks like you get a job because I was afraid I was area there is no fear. Cost me do when bar rooms and through hundreds of dollars ran out of time to be a big shot because my I had to be a big deal. Series and he answers for how to I mean did you fear I mitigate fear where it was bullies and higher power. And and that's the only way I can do that MI ranks just. That was absolutely in my experience and that that would lineup for basically what we are are Todd in this twelve step process yes. Its sense. Of fear led the way I look at it is here is my well. And blow this is that higher powers well and I get to decide to every second of every day who will I'm gonna followed left by. And and that is that is essential now. Two of them major problems with that very simple formulas I didn't really know what guys are those words meant that at a time of course. Fear I. Most people are afraid to route to admit they're afraid. Well Jeff I guess as you say that that's the thing was coming in my mind after not having had a drink for two weeks in this guy tells me fear lover the only two things have to worry about I drive voicing some poison but you Boise. Afraid of any island tough guy I'm not afraid of making in this world are now. I've been everywhere I've done everything I'm not afraid people don't even understand what fear is like a long they know how to manage it. I mean identifying fear. You is is is difficult it's a bit it's very difficult and then there's also a process really simplifies it however when you see this and it's complete NASA then don't. I am told frequently that I over analyzing complicate things but I. I'm absolutely of the belief that the only way to actually simplify anything is to collect all of the data. So I really need to understand what this word is how this process works and it is like I told you at thirteen fear is what ultimately used to set the ball rolling in my alcoholism. If so if I don't know what it is or how despondent or how to correct it there is no fixing messed. And. Okay are you just says it affect you or allies. Saying just before you came here is there a phone call from a guy who know two weeks. Walked in off the street and he's analyzing. And he wants to go over things and I figured them out I mean I I don't know the man I just barely so I met on the story solo home. I said to myself this guy's going to be an engineer I mean because he's figuring every angle and he figured every turn in this project in the beginning. I simply had to not drink. And that's all I could do in the beginning. Was not drink and for me not drinking glass and eight years. Karen you've got like a similar situation right you want a wild just not drinking. But. That works out right. Yeah I mean that was for food for the first four years so I just didn't drink and I analyzed and I still is using my will and trying to work every angle because I was still holding on to. My pride and ego and all that other stuff that on another Oscar. And until I hit an emotional bottom it was my I had to hit an emotional bottom that's planned. I reached out to a person for. For help and who sat down with me and went one on one through the post ups about alcohol. Also anonymous. And and I. I would I'd like to explain this because there are families out there listening right now lifting just they're low don't put some Obama puts on the needle or puts them back. And the way that our Don Beno dolce and they're better. And that's and that's not the case recovery starts. At the end of that process when you detox from whatever it is you're using. That's when recovery begins. And that that is that's hard to understand. For a simple as this is it gets complicated some base and I think emirates or another bring your segment doctor Bob wrote a prescription and I'm a prescription fan. And no it's it's trust god clean house and help others. And I didn't start to get better until I started to understands. That that's what was going on that. Everything I am diamonds. Up to that point I'm not drinking going to meetings to somebody that was all building me up to understand. That. I had to start thinking about other people and not thinking about myself. And so that's that's forward you'll agree when Barrichello. Absolutely yes and defend. And void whatever it takes again for the individuals to get to that point I loved the emotional bile on the Karen talked about because that's that's what he does and whether you hit it. Two years before you came in recovery the day you came and recover ten years after you came and recovery that emotional button is kind of where you've got to be at. And it's become one of my absolute favorite things ever read was we feel a man is on thinking when he says that sobriety is enough. If it isn't enough that was the first of twelve steps is putting down the during for the drug. The other eleven are gonna teachers how to live. How to find this firepower how to help others how to clean up the messed over if we've less than are awake so there's a lot more to within just I don't drink anymore. And and it's I feel like something that's missing from a lot of modern day a recovery and people are getting the full benefit of actual recovery. So you're right there's a big difference between I don't drink anymore and you been sober and that living again. Right stopping stopping whenever your draw your choices. Alcohol and drugs wherever it is that that's just the beginning. That's not the end I mean when we stop using now what are we going to go to we'll we all agree that when Merck were whenever we started. Out whenever we started using. It. We were trying to hide something we're trying to bury something now we're not using now what do we don't know we'll talk about our last few minutes. This is double BYUK. Powered by Sherwood Chevrolet Buick GM CE online at Sherwood Chevrolet dot com. Actually we've got a few minutes left and I'm. So. This this recovery is among other people this is not about me. And this radio show's not about me his radio show is about spreading the message that recovery is possible. And that we're willing to help anyone anyone at all it reaches out wants help. We're here to help. So Jeff. What what does that mean helping others I mean you write a daily inspiration would you Shiite copy I plagiarize almost every day and steak on FaceBook you know. So soon wolf what is helping other shots. Tell me itself. It's that the genuine version number like we talked about earlier tonight I I don't. Ever help people anymore looking for but a back door returns. Tend. Which is one of the most important things I think ever learned a go into a that a brief description us with nobody nobody minds but. Not seeing as though my problem at thirteen started with a failed relationship. And can and at depth relationship problem continue guns. Well Linda adulthood means and in my thirties I still didn't know how to have a relationship probably knows because. The other side that are calling once I established as your head cut me down. And that love was gonna lift you back up I didn't know what that word meant life there and I thought love was something I admired. It is significant other was tasked with supplying me US. And that's why all of my relationships felt I didn't understand that. That love at least for me was not the two way street that I had been taught my whole life he wasn't going to. And there's a word in the dictionary it is says we're gonna give you something in your gonna owe us something back in that word has blown. I love. Love is something I'm supposed to get for my higher power and give vote freely to other people and not expect or demand anything in return from the now. And a lot of people hear that statement and think I'm asking him to be a doormat nation just keep giving and giving and giving while everybody else takes takes takes nets that that's the opposite unhealthy extreme of it. I have to learn how to give flow properly. And let the love attraction do his job if I'm with someone who isn't reciprocating. And the universe itself will have us drift apart as long as we let it happen. There's always my fear of being alone doesn't keep me in bad situations and relationships I can let that be Woodard as beloved in. The way I understand and now it's something that it works like electricity. There's a a transformer on the pole outside its and power into the basement in this building they're goes from the basement. Through these switches to these light bulbs and does not ever grow from these light bulbs back outside to that transformer. The building would burn down if it did because it doesn't work like that and I don't bleed to love those either. I'm pleased I get it from my higher power that's where my supply comes from if I give it out freely to you. My higher power more replenish my supply don't need to demanded for Danica reciprocated from from my significant other. And once I started practicing unselfish relationships like fast they've magically started working out a lot better than they had most of my life. And as we refer to love Jeff what we doesn't met necessarily mean that. If Sally and meanwhile what there were numerous from the rest of our lives when each other. The low blood but I talked mark and think about is how late treat people it's how you treat everyone it's not just how early treat you more nobody's launching. How I treat people when I get nothing in return how I treat the guy on the street corner and that is that is of no benefit to me I'm gonna get nothing from being nice to that man or helping that person. That's where I talked about what Moammar I mean love it yeah there is no quid pro crawl there is nothing but getting back if you can do that if you can loans. It gives to unselfishly. That's when you're really starting to feel. A sense of recovery. Right. Absolutely and that of course spliced itself like everybody else I don't practice it perfectly but when I do practices there works perfectly and you're absolutely right it doesn't matter if I'm dealing with my significant other. Or that I can assure you grocery store I'm supposed to treat all of these people the same way the right way. Unselfishly. Caring more about them ultimately that I do about myself another one of my absolute favorite quotes is. It our very lives as X problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs and I'm. Sorry it's not about us it's about helping others. Now and hears it appears just took a prime example. Of how this works in my life. Friday evening I got a call from a guy needed to get into a treatment program he's called me three Friday's general same guy. He'd take them he walks out the next day I mean that's his MO he's done it fifteen times Friday called memory you go. All right we go get him get him in the car Meehan and Tom Lehman Q were driving on the treatment center. Now that's as good as I guess I'm giving up my time I'm doing everything carries a man and a guy that's FiOS and 81 and I flip out. Let my kids just murdered my kids my children and now. So I go from blowing this kid and trying to help them to being crazy instantly. Now it's like Jews and you can't be perfect. It just there's no way you can be perfect life that all the time. I'm the question is. Do you do with 51% of the time can you be more on the low side and then in the crazy side. Some days yes some day is Null but I am I am completely certain that. My only role in this world is to help someone else. And I believe that we travel the roads through recovery that we've all traveled all different all and recovery. With one goal in mind help others you do it my radio book show if you do buy me. Coming here today and sharing your messaging you speak a lot and talked about it by your daily inspirations. Kerry doesn't by helping so many women that I know she helps and terrorist probably the kindest person in the room today I think she's always got a smile on her face. I am doing the way I'd do it but we can all do what someone hearing Sharon. Absolutely there's so I mean in many ways to do it and I I'd like to take it not. Not out just inside of the era of you know the rooms of time. Of the meetings but also outside it's it's about practicing in this in our homes our jobs. And just life and you know I have a therapy dog named rose so we have to get her name in there and I'd like to take her to nursing homes and hospice and that's a great way of giving back. But it's you know it's just being a better human being in general and that's what it that's spiritual component. It of this recovery has done for me. That's interest you say that right about rose going to nursing homes Lori doesn't always suggest on here the first weeks of this season has a painful. And she takes her pit pull up to a place called memory care command Harrisburg area. Every weekend at least once a week and and the pictures of that dog with the people. In. In memory Karen are you name is amazing impact they are amazing and and she's there were those people is beautiful and that's giving back it doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be your your drive people in treatment everybody can help in their own way Jeff we don't want to mormons aren't you talked about you I love listening to. Hack and that that's a great point and Favre didn't. First of all twelve step process exists because we can't practice a perfectly none of the twelve steps saying you're never gonna have a problem ever again. Also don't promise is capitalizing chaff here do they just know they promised us that if we stumble upon problem in our daily life there is a solution to it so you're gonna have problems here in the tools to fix them there arise so we boot. That's what they're there for and and part of their elevenths is that that twelve step process in the nighttime eleven step and asked me exactly that is so do you think about yourself most of the time or were you thinking of others aboard you can packed into the stream of life and that's what we're all here to there. Thank you Jeff thanks Karen for being here this is going to be enough fast as our ball. In the history of this show alone. You want health 57 dollars and 8185825. Come back next week I listened to was again and we'll see what we can do to help others got one closing thought Forrest just. Finds amid helping in whatever way you can. Karin what's your last thought here today. Hi I mean just you know if your struggling out there and you're just in need some help. I mean you got he got a lot of great recovery in this in this community just reach out and and get on our Balkans adelphia blessed life he'll have a blessed life aren't. For everybody listening next week we've got fans Johnson moved from. Played for the Denver Broncos into what a story he has thank you all for listening CNET week.