The Laurie & Lynn Show

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Saturday, September 9th

Saturday September 9, 2017


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The following is a paid program the views or claims made are not necessarily those of WI OK staff management or sponsors. It's time for Laurie in live. Does don't your weekend. And now Gloria weigh on WYOK. Good morning good morning I'm. How are you today oh I'm a little nervous. Me. 'cause your brother in Florida's Mike my brother tell I just hung up with my brother from now at this time when you're listening here's things Obie whose. Much more clear. I'm were taping on Thursday after known at this point I'm right in the middle of it and my brother is now leaving and then there's my. My sister in my mind it nieces have left I'm coming to Pennsylvania how but he is staying back from my brother and sister in law and they animals are saying right there honked sent OK one animal left and the cat is staying with Timmy. And he said to me just now I'm boarding up the house. I'm putting the cars in the garage and putting my truck in front of the garage. And then I'm going inside this it to me why you stay there Isa 'cause sound ever began to get back get. If I get back finally. I don't know I guess people do and damned good you know I don't know. It's a big decision I know there's. So I know I use but that's. That's so you know different culture and I and that this is one hell of the storm and it's unduly you must it's this huge where's it now do you know I don't know. His friends and he's been through. Andrew he's been through the three men who Katrina and whenever whenever. Spent ten years ago I guess it was queries heat haze so I'm. About seven miles in from Fort Lauderdale Margate postal Isa KM yeah. Well they last night they had the mayor I was watching the weather channel had the mayor the mayor of Fort Lauderdale I'm. I'm and my brother Timmy is in Jupiter and he is literally about. Three blacks in from the beach maybe for my. Mindanao that's natural probably a little more and but not much he's not inland very far let's just put it that way. And then I have two nieces whom live in Orlando. And if it goes the other way. On the West Coast. They'll be having trouble so we'll win this country and president sort of in the middle list to stay in 2000. But anyhow I'm. So that's let's make Camille Little bit nervous today but besides that I am fine. How are you doing. I'm good very good scary yeah. I am. Well anyway. So you saw my husband Sox catcher gave to Napoli yesterday yes I did and it was as I said it's very surprising to see him. Somewhere where wasn't planned to be with yields so that I would know he was joining us. I see him walking up the back steps up in going into man soars for his band lunged. And he was with his body and it was weird because I saw this guy and I said I know that. Looks like pantry because I couldn't see his face and non beatle that's Patrick. A little eagle momentarily he's honest yes yes and they also Thomas what did you have it easy said. That he hadn't spent an Italian tuna salads. And then he says it was serves unharmed role. Well I don't. Quite know it at that. But and amazes me you should make that well because I believe me this you know Italians Tony is no it's just tuna fish tuna and maybe with I'm Italian dressing now made with Maine nice when that's. Basically what he says yes but still and you and I put it on a roll to keep because of that I'm. That's fluids you know 'cause it's it's it's made with like address things you have to needs something a little more sturdy don't hold it up parallel to that then him and I'm like what it is when you say stricken silence its second sound like you've bananas and we sit there you know grants when he manly scent -- salad they don't they don't do that much is specifically ask them Mac OK yes. Aren't so anyway he and enjoyed it immensely yeah I'm beloved aunt. Simon to Nene stand so I don't I want that they'll they'll do the mayonnaise for you but I'm. That's what he's found to have that specifically. So he's tiny gain fueled comes up he has learned from London. So this weekend. I have to have my college buddies coming for visit the LAH. And we decide amber cooking in this weekend. Cooking and end and we're not gonna go out for dinner you just hanging out inside and write this I you know I know. I don't I think it's only to colds aren't as telling NB and then mid sixties kind cheer you know no any of them cooler at the lake. And scandal like now worth it. But if they wanna go home I'll be very happy to take them for right it's just to see what Claire who's got a hole is joining him. My friend Joan Glover who is so west Scranton night time. And another friend of our some college doctor Julie Rothman. Who is a recently retired. And so the they're coming to spend the weekend and I'm throws took us it's good to see them Israelis have a good time yes. As she as usual very very funny people. And you know as I said if there's something just hanging out with out running and eventually shoot and you just managed to coney where it's really great place to be a sense just to hang out business. So that's a good thing. Yes well that's good you know that's talk about two men come. But I am I just wanna say they're my girlfriend John tiny supply flow is passed away. I'm on Monday and damn I. I just don't have to say she was so I just absolutely adored her. But terrific woman terrific mom. Great artist and a hard is big is Texas and I think John Hawaii love dearly he's just one of my favorite people in town they were so good and so together and she's been battling an illness for awhile and I'm. She passed away and Monday and I just blunt and the family and everybody just to know when to keep them in their thoughts and prayers because she's so wonderful lady and John's a great guy and I'm it's just it's just heartbreaking is. Heartbreaking from some. Well no Lois is generally don't and I don't think so wonderful. Just my heart and prayers and thought knowing what I was doing my niece. Visit. Whenever. Sponsors. On Saturday night. I'm. Mr. Calvin. Had a bit of an issue. And. Where is. Having some problems keeping food down. So I thought I would. I called a mountain after a whites and does all day long and he still wouldn't eat it I called it the Aires city. And I talked to the woman at the desk and she says well we talked to the doctor and I'm calling it pen I'll get right back to you. It's just coming back and she said given that we don't really know what could be wrong. Found when you bring a man. So and amount. Corner 119 packed up mr. Calvin. And my sayings. And got into the car and drove back from the lake. And took them to there. And that there was one other person in there at the time when other so I put cash I guess it was. So herb but they just they were delighted to see them because they tell you gotta throw him Xena since she was a little fluffy kitten. So everybody in the bag for us. Today we have come back we have him back. So they did some X rays. Just to make sure he had nothing in his stomach and and that was fine he knew he was okay does some blood work and he checked out to be fine and apparently. He. Well because he had been commenting on day was dehydrated. So they gave you some brilliance fluids and I took them home and they tell mansion doomed. Boiled chicken something very light and I said to myself OK 11 o'clock a bit. I them. I have knocked. Going to get something out of the freezer. And cook this thing so anyway I the next day I gain a little better each of his own food. She was fine. An and I took them back up to the lake and if they were fine all day long and he was outside. Killing trying to kill the hummingbirds. Course he didn't succeed thank god no he doesn't need to she pretends CA stares up at them like they're really gonna just drop down her front of him. And he was a sub two as usual tricks so he was says he's fine he's really fine but I just again want to commend. The staff said theories see. For the wonderful work that they do and they compassionate and caring that they have for him and Charles the other animals that command there. So this was a Saturday 9/11 thirty years someone that is just to send it to stay homicide detective asked apple can't just plan was Smart yes. And he made out okay the other one. Only a. Just trying to figure out where engine. No I mean the other one meaning Patrick now content yeah. But had to must've been scared like weird he got what he kept looking farm yeah and figure out why he was flailing around our. Now so again then Patrick calls at 2 o'clock in the morning and said to me. Wall where he should go home and I says I went to be very easy with Calvin. Well nobody tells me anything around here I don't know I horse thing. I can't remember him so. He's ice and go to bed as the go to sleep and I we'll see you in the morning. So our friends are warned David I'm Robert slept there and that night. And David went back to their place to feed and be with their chats. So he showed him in the morning and Patrick said and went to see him Patrick said. I'm in and value make any toes and yelled her for me he says okay so he'll get more money here and a it's simply match Obama doesn't it if she gets. Patrick gets married is an corner yes when things aren't as they're supposed to be what anything is out of sync for him. He gets nasty and there's so he wasn't treat David like a guest was able and Robert grabber now you must know. I Cranium like it's at the ship but but but know it's a very nice person. But he everybody turn it was fine everybody they came back for dinner on Sunday night and we have some dinner there and things are great. But you know and I we were talking about recently about having animals and having to. Yeah everybody said so it's so much better to have 20 that I wanted and I agree with that except to in the up on the other one is no longer. Well that's the very end there heartbroken JR and then unless you replace the bit that they the animal with another one quickly. The paint is is profound because she I saw it when Phoebe. I was no longer with us Lulu acted. Bizarre from the minute that happened she never was the same manner and of course I never got another dog but she just never acted. Like herself again as always I think looking for Phoebe yeah including she would stand at the door and it never happened before this day. Then that the day had breast feed these ashes home. That night when I was coming home. She was at my front door Lulu how blowing. And she had never done that before it ever never heard how a lot of her. And I just thought it was really spooky that Phoebe is back ashes are back in the house again. We met when I dropped them off and came then I went back out and Lulu was howling at the front door. But she obviously wanted me to be back in now and I wasn't at the when she wanted it. And she how Walt I mean it was scary yeah it was like a wolf yeah. So I I don't know if I if I think if you have to you get a key to all the time. I know that you know I had the two of the siamese. And the one. The one cat died before the other one. And that's when my knees decided that I needed this other cat to came from Philadelphia. So that was pepper so pepper and yen was the survivor of the siamese. They were together for a couple years and yen was very very domineering. Oh yeah and that would jump on pap burn all kinds of things when Ian died either pepper was a whole new cats. Rice and that's why you think about a country that can't bold to Wear her ex was a girl and boy he they're both girls. Well that's rid that's until you know. Trying to Qaeda but anyway. Big shaky hands on the cats you know so I guess but I'm okay well we are going to take a quick break. We will be right back you're listening this morning to Larry links help you center. 30 in the morning with the Koreans live now. Don't look great inland. Good morning everybody I'm Mari cat now I'm the owner Larry can enterprises. Can't aren't. Special event. Good morning everybody you're listening to our human shown I'm Lori can be honored. Large cash enterprises which is a fundraising PR specialist and says this and I am Linda Evans and the president and CEO of northeastern financial consultants. Where fee only financial planning firm and clarks summit. I'm also the author of the book called power of the purse. Fear free finances for baby boomer women. Until one thank you for. So what's happening we have only now play tricks them banked tracks this is an interesting when I really think we could do. A lot on this one now but there's something that was an article that was calm those long hours game. And it I think it's pretty need to win this was done. This woman who wrote that her name is Amy Hanson. She talks about the fact that as a culture. You know we we attribute to success. So long. Hours of people work and then you know in the -- the longer you're there when you can't be out harder you learned yet that it's it's a lot of night. I well what she says. This is a very interesting perspective. She said the 24 cent an hour workweek marches on and on the Jenna and go and keep on going a long hours game we all do have time to time. How can you have a healthy sustainable lifestyle and it builds your career. The action packed day of the executive continues to be a glorified image of leadership. And arguably one that is dangerously unsustainable and it does questionable and effectiveness. The Atlantic has noted the tendency of elite wealthy American men to beat the workaholics of the world. But just because long hours are the status quo. Doesn't mean this achieves successful business or career development. It's a rising argument in the context of today's information age workplace. In which we tend to be knowledgeable knowledgeable workers conceiving of and implementing ideas. That five hour work day would be a business hack for more productivity and profitability. So what's with the persistence and over valuation of long hours in the corporate world. Here's the point according to professor Joan Williams in HDR. The long hours fascination is underpinned. Diana leaves just mail value system based on class status and morality. As sociologists and Michelle LaMont states. Ambition and a strong work ethic are doubly sacred. As signals of both moral and socio economic purity. Along these lines commitment is singular devotion to work where must be the central focus of one's existence. Within the Salinas moral construct being consumed by one's work is both a status symbol and a moral bad eggs. As Williams writes being slammed. As a socially acceptable way of saying I am important. Whereas fifty years ago the only working class showed their status by displaying their abundant time. For leisure today it's about displaying your extreme schedule. Researchers found that a lot of researchers found little long hour craze is also yet another masculine test. I'm endurance and perceived heroism. When it comes to what's really behind the persistence and glorification of putting in the Midnight Oil. Williams writes it's not productivity. It's not innovation. It's identity. So what is his ego driven I Dendy booster do for business really. Think on talk about the difference in situations then and how it effects your productivity because time. This is the my thought was interesting worse for women. While there are many studies showing how overworking. Adversely impacts health and a myriad of measurements for everyone. A recent study involving 7500. People over. 32 years from Ohio State University found in long hours is far worse for women's health than Mendes. Within the study 56%. Of the people studied works 41 to fifty hours a week. 28%. Works thirty to forty hours a week and 16%. Or more than fifty hours a week. Working sixty hours or more a week on average for three decades. Was found to triple the risk of diabetes. Cancer heart trouble and arthritis for women. Risk increased after forty hours and became heightened after fifty hours for women but not for men. The researchers hypothesize. This was reflective of the multiple roles women juggle. And disproportionate pressure at home. In fact when men worked moderately longer hours they had a lower risk of heart disease. Lung disease and depression. And men who worked under forty hours at least when it comes early onset disease. However you feel about the results it has yet more proof that chronically playing the long hours game. Is no path towards gender equality are thriving personally. Being consumed. Even when it comes from a place an intrinsic motivation. Often ends in burning out. So are you wanna be a martyr or any of those kind of things are so many reasons. That if that happens I think. Yeah but I forty year put on yourself. Well if you know what I don't get and I Seymour is what is why isn't it okay. For you to be taken care Athens some way. I think it's taken care of yourself you know I'm saying. Whether it's time Oscar sitting down now rushing having someone come and help you with cleaning set. Things that. Everybody else does. An F to pile on top of in many cases. Other stuff and I don't mean people I don't mean this at all for someone who might not be able to afford does launchers I'm talking about people and this obviously is not talking about those type of people leader it's seems correct right that these are more. People who can do it it's just beaten the prestige of saying I'm working harmony office until whenever it is and that feeling do you CNET and more and more with people yeah I do. As fact when I was reading this thing I thought about a conversation I just had. Yesterday. I yesterday and Tuesday. Talking to her attorney. The cool I know is still in a very high pressure. Partner kind of thing in in a big law firm. And I says something told him about what did you do on the weekend the long weekend he's so I was raised here in the whole time. Heat he worked Saturday Sunday and Monday. And he has a wife and kids via an ice is at I and I thought about my thought well that's really don't. Do you find Gloria did or was it had a word like what do you see these people get eyes I think she says he's a man so that's a totally different story yes the women gripe but that's I'm saying I think she thought he was doing the right things yeah and then it was expected of a man to do those things. But the the problem I think is a big. A bigger issue here which is. That as we said before women. Until recently I'm gonna say the last couple years women have actually. Then trying to conform. To our male model of business success. So I started out back in the seventies the eighties when. What we had to where if we were going to be taken yeah now was a suit. And maybe I shirt. With the scars for the event tie but we were still modeling. What we were supposed to do because that's where the men did it break and I think we followed that all the way through all through the years. And saying it's the same thing bunt. At the same time we're trying to conform to that model we still have to be. Wives and mothers and daughters right and do almost it's expected for us to do all of that plus this other thing. But when we look at the male model what that was in business men had corporate wives. They had women who would do things for them do food shopping do food preparation. They would go out for dinner all the time. It was the way that the executives. Man Murray function and if they didn't have. That have to worry about. The wife and the kids and I think about mad men being example of that. That series that was on television announced. So. That's the way it was in oh you had the wife at home she found things to do attendant. Two prior times she took. Riding lessons she's Tokai should play bridge she went with. They drank a lot. They drank that's what they did. But that is just the way that that. Life evolved and now what we're trying to do is bring both of those worlds into one place and were killed herself so her. We just can't do in Austria. And that's what I'm saying all the time now you can't he can't and it's not good for many either now now and I think of what he said to me he spent. Up what was really. Aaron it was not a gorgeous weekend it was a really crappy weekend around him on Monday was spectacular yes yes. But he was and they offer as well and I think he did you know there are sometimes an he's an attorney and he's got probably billable hours he has to maiden deal and everything else so. He has sometimes. Those are the things you have to deal but if it's the no requirement. You just ignore what is an arm like you said men do that they just they do and they've done it for years. And ground trying to keep up with you know you do have to take that you do have to take that break. Yeah man who we are yep and I remember can be OK with it well that's no I don't I don't feel guilty if you don't get yeah. Can you there's no woman that I know who used to be. At a level of his senior. Manager and wanna know local. I'm accounting firms and she had been there for fifteen or twenty years and was never promoted to partner. And initially. I think most of us thought that that's because she'd just been passed or she was very quiet person that's very assertive. But we discovered in talking to our. The reason she didn't want to be a partner. Is because she didn't want all of that the extra stuff she won and her life to be the way it was where she. Still works for ridiculous hours but she wasn't knew what they where she knew what to write back and she wasn't held accountable for much beyond that. I was fine with her my fuel line until we knows better than W don't. I think that that's interest in the women have to make that choice for her she should have been partner. She put a dollar kinda yeah and she was brilliant yes brilliant. So anyway I think it's interesting that we're starting to look at that now insane at that model of and the guy who works you know what sixty's so many hours a week. We don't hold him and his ties steam as we used to know. Because the younger men are starting to look at that and say this is a ridiculous idea I wanna I wanna be in my son's soccer game I guess in my daughter's piano every recital. I want that part I wanna be part of their lives right and I think it's good to. I think it is great start the change yes and you know. Okay well we are going to take a quick break we will be back with our guest experience attorney Barbara JO hare. You're listening to Larry and Lynn's show will be right back. It's Saturday morning a little Korean live now. Lori inland. Lower back. My name is Linda Evans signed the president and CEO of northeastern financial consultants. Where fee only financial planning firm in clarks summit. I'm also the author of a book called power of the purse. Fear freeze finances for baby boomer women available on So we are here with our guest expert. Attorney Barbara O'Hara. Who is a partner and let me get this right now let me try this shoes Nickels and O'Hara I owe him an attorney had been practicing for 36 years. And I do primarily filming lot and we TLC's that your news for them. I'm an art black wanna Lucerne. Wyoming Susquehanna and Wayne OK so come. The once eminence talk about today. Was I eat my husband and I guess we're listening to an audio book and it was blink when she is. Pretty popular book by Malcolm Gladwell and one pitch one chapter in there was devoted to mathematical research done. On predicting divorce. I was really really really fascinating. And this was a study done done by Jon gotten and a professor of psychology at the University of Washington. And what he did was he studied. 650. Couples over the course of fourteen years. And he wanted to see which ones he thought would get divorced and once once he thought we stay together. And he said he was right about 90% of the time to really end. What he did was he researched they filmed every one and they interviewed people they would ask there he. Basic questions about your relationship how did you meet what was your first impression. What was your wedding like. Where do you live when you got married and then about children and a different transitions. As well as life went on in their marriage went on. And at what he would look at it sometimes they would even listen to the answer they'd look and held one. So that one partner looked at the other person did a how do they speak did you speak respectfully about the other sounds. Did dame rolled their eyes did they show any contempt. And he says he contempt and lack of respect to that win the big predictors. On whether or not these people would endorse I would think so and he he said you know sometimes it just. A very simple question but if they would talk about. How they're spouse didn't you know what would you do in your first day oh he was drunk he was a jerk whenever you know those kind of things. Despite all of that the person is people did get married and then eventually they divorced. And so. He would he asked these questions and then followed the couple's two. Who who got married boom. Is stay married and you've got divorced so. They look at a list actors and best and look really look and eat. The physical signs of how will they treated their spouse with respect. And but what contempt they showed tourist spots but it that was interesting and it's. They actually measured their heart heart rate to see you know what kind of feelings they had tourist the other person good or band ahead lead some they had bleeds on them to see. Just even though and that's the that their heart rates as well as I watched every little frame. Of their expression. Not even just quick little expressions that showed contempt or lack lack of respect and they measured that and what they wanted to see was. Whether or not these people have the ability to make. Their marriage the port in the storm or whether or not their marriage was the storm itself. How would I thought isn't it kind of an interesting way to put it next in this study and they said. The best marriages or ones where that where it. A spouse treated their spouse like they were aghast so your spouse spills a glass of wine on the table do you. And condemn a person for doing it they're stupid they're clumsy whenever. Or you treat them like against. Let me clean up and get to another class. You would do different guests but you might not do that fears that stuff and that so the fascinating thing was. What they found is a lot of people did. Divorce in the first it's 50% of these couples divorce in the first seven years. Okay and then they they also looked at. What component to having had a child a fact there is distance again. Actually they found that. A lot of people didn't stay to get there they had a child in his first seven years. And about half of them they didn't have children did divorce after 78 to within seven years. This is what OK when they found and that a lot of people did stay together if they had if they had children. But then divorce later as the kids became cheap yes I was just gonna say that you might find that in my practice a lot of people a night. Will say we stayed together until we got the kids through high school and then there where it plans to launch you know. To get out the relationship and to move on once they felt that they got third. If their child to adulthood. So when you start with the first when he says those couples that have a child within the first seven years of marriage. Stay together. I wonder how many of the elite oh really stayed because the marriage is good or because they they feel like they need to for the sake of the child's well. That's when they look at are you really in an emotionally dead relationship. Miller and I found that they looked at a lot of these things of you know what. What feelings you had twenty other spouse and are you still on a vibrant. Relationship. We care and respect the other the other spouse or are you really emotionally dead. And they also researched got people. There had been violent towards each other and they said you know they are ones where there was no respect or there was no increased. I'm seeing way. The person who really had fled and it is usually think the mail. Really hadn't. Integrated the female into their life. So it was. K I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that nine we are doing this. And this is where our relationship is going this is what we considers. It's ongoing drink and I'm gone out to play cards I'm doing this and never. A sense of what are we doing here is a couple from and how is your day honey you know not that. This album. That interaction didn't happen. And a lot of these guys who Wear and he did say they were guys now and I kind of bad mouth one gender. But in these emotionally and physically abusive relationships. Where they. Did not consider the other spouse indeed an immigrant if emailing to their time. So upset I thought that was an interesting thing and I never seen any research on things like this yeah I've never seen in the states on. Predicting. It does very divorce rates of people. But them he had followed 650 couples over the course of fourteen winners and you know I mean this true that they I'm the three. Treating nineteen guests scenario. You know I mean when you think and then of course I treat my guess the same twenty. Well. Let me know I'm kidding I'm kidding hey let's complete our. I do pretty your guest likes the snow but yeah. But I do I do worry about it mine when I people that's why I usually only invite people in the summer when more outside. Don't serve you water only. And bending down and got no I'm kidding but it's quite shot 77 Khamese could I not have this and become man but it's just you know it. Important he'll mentally be orange or I'm just trying no worries about a talent she you know what this thing is that it is summer. You better when you do. We knew that kinder way that you treat somebody else and why is it that we treat the ones we love worse than that sound gaffe and I don't. Unfair Lynne and I were talking net when she meets with the couple and in her practice brand stunned. To. Tell our list you must what you find I can tell just by watching the interaction. And you know like you said you do you talked about some of the things. When they do this interview and they talk about. Their background how they met and all of these all the stuff that goes on with creating the marriage and that's a lot of the questions that we ask in that first interview. We ask them very intense yes we get we have fifteen or so questions we ask got a couple. When they first come and because what we're looking for is to see whether or not we can really work with them. Because a couple as a couple or because a couple. If you can help one person was very empathetic to wanting to get something done I wanna get it done and the other one she is very resistant. Well I have to find out what the resistance is about because if we make a plan for for the couple. Then it's only going to be as good as the most dominant of the two who's gonna either get it done or not get. So in doing all that. We find out headed time the dynamic of the of the merits of their relationship to see whether or not this is gonna work for us. To work with them. And in doing that I have often said that I can tell. Just I had that experience alone which of these couples are gonna make it which ones aren't I mean as a as an hour with us but as employers can. Couples or their marriages and I know I'm right yes ha. Sane can anime yeah research on your own and yet but not on it and quantify but obviously at the thing is that you you look at that you say well I think it could happen it could happen. You know that when they youngest child gets to be as certain days. I am not surprised when we get a call and say we filed for divorce. Because that's what you just said before a lot of times people stay together. For the benefit of the kids and so they think. And then when the kids reach a certain state they look at each other and say oh who is this horse and then that's fine. I sometimes they bid and an emotionally dead really well for sure along here. You're safari here's how we can answer this then ask it anyway do you think have you seen better results of people who separated divorced early with their children younger. First is waiting thinking they were doing the right thing and doing it later in life. I seen some studies on the idea where they said. A lot of people thought they'd be better to wait yes and with the kids have seen is a horrible way to wait a woman I write a horrible way to treat him and yeah. And gave it went in and they. They're modeling the behavior yes so that's. That communicate and however. Any effects so if you're going to be fighting all the time and it's a war of the roses. I did your kids to see daddy Cameron should sit but then I seen some studies and said you know kids have and gotten better the one thing that surprised me in practice and I have been doing this for 36 years I thought it would be younger kids that would have a harder time. And it's the opposite hand eye hand. Older kids have a much harder time particularly in the case of adultery. Where big audience felt it was a betrayal of the family not just a betrayal of the spouse like a how could then how could. My parent which you and mom or dad. Have done that and be trained on this time it's not as they didn't show up mom and yet she up family right right and I had suicide attempts and things like that we're. They shot it the child felt so the end of because. Now you you have. Had hurt their basic right of what was comfortable and I've known this for the last eighteen years and now all of a sudden dead cheap Swiss whomever. And now we don't have that can only an hour right and it's a real high tension and it could go either gender and I have any kids have a rough I have found. For in my practice the kids the older kids around for time with a split up and then by the same token I've seen some families where. You know there and they'd witnessed a bad relationship between mom and dad and deer than people who are encouraging. The divorce because hey you know. I had one and people were married for 58 years. And it mom had been beaten up by this guy for years and the kids brought parent and said we don't never remember a time where mom was emperors. And they eat dinner as adults brought in mom after all these years instead if she can't live out her old age get beat by Scott. Wow I'm so I'd say using both sides of this it and the you know there's that if it. And I'm all about the song step but there's a song by Kenyan law against that was and see explains his children why he'd they got divorced and I love the line and when my kids went to Ky rust. I'm lumped for shine I put daddy and that should you know I did it for you what I did for me because I didn't want you to see each. Haitian love. Your man in and I tried to show you and I love that. And is in his letter yeah. I broke back to shine my son's only eight years old and Tammy was twelfth thirteenth. At tanning is a little bit older Chung was a little eight years old this is awfully young. And you just you know I remember feeling that when I went what's the best way so okay well. Barbara I'm pleased son and how they can reach a thank you thank you reached. 57034. Tour 7171. And I offices located in done more it's 14:21 eastern. Thanks very nice is joining us everybody have a great weekend thanks for listening we'll talk T next week and please be safe and please email. I.